Connecting OT - Blog Posts

When Everyday Tasks Feel Hard: Supporting Children Who Avoid Demands - 10/11/2026

Have you ever noticed that your child seems to manage the expectations of the school day, only to find everyday tasks at home become much harder?

You’re not alone!

Children can work incredibly hard throughout the school day to meet expectations, follow routines, manage social interactions and navigate a busy learning environment. Teachers may report that a child is doing well, following instructions and participating in classroom activities.

However, once they arrive home, where they feel safe and comfortable, we may see a very different picture.

This can look like avoiding homework, refusing to get dressed, struggling with everyday routines, becoming upset when asked to complete simple tasks or finding it difficult to transition away from preferred activities.

For some children, particularly those who experience demand avoidance or have a neurodivergent profile, even everyday requests can feel overwhelming.

It’s important to remember that task avoidance isn’t always about being unwilling. Sometimes, a child is feeling unable, overwhelmed or simply doesn’t have the capacity left to manage another demand.

So, how can we help?

1. Start with connection before expectations

Before introducing another task or instruction, consider how your child might be feeling.

Allow time to decompress after school.
Prioritise connection, play and shared activities.
Reduce unnecessary questions and instructions when your child first gets home.
Offer opportunities for movement, quiet time or sensory regulation.
Remember that a child who has held it together all day may need additional support at home.

Sometimes, the best starting point is taking a step back rather than adding another expectation.

2. Try declarative language

Declarative language is a communication style that focuses on sharing observations, information and thoughts rather than giving direct instructions.

Instead of telling children what to do, we invite them to think, problem-solve and participate.

For example:

Instead of “Put your shoes on”, try “I can see we’re getting ready to head out.”
Instead of “Go and brush your teeth”, try “I wonder what we need to do before bedtime.”
Instead of “You need to pack your bag”, try “Your lunchbox and drink bottle are still on the bench.”

This approach can:

Reduce the feeling of being directed or controlled.
Encourage autonomy and independent thinking.
Lower anxiety associated with demands.
Foster collaboration and build trust.

A great resource: Declarative Language for the Classroom is a useful resource to share with teachers and educators to help them understand and implement this communication style.

3. Be mindful of reward systems

Reward charts and incentive systems can work well for some children. However, from a PDA-informed perspective, traditional rewards don’t always achieve the intended outcome.

For some children, knowing they must complete a task to earn a reward can create additional pressure.

Over time, reward-based approaches may:

Increase stress within the nervous system.
Increase masking and the pressure to appear compliant.
Reduce a child’s sense of autonomy and control.
Make everyday activities feel even more demanding.

Rather than focusing on external rewards, consider what makes a task meaningful, motivating and achievable for the child.

Think about their interests, strengths and what helps them feel successful.

4. Make motivation part of the plan

Motivation looks different for every child. Supporting children to work towards their own goals can be much more effective than focusing solely on adult expectations.

Try:

Incorporating their interests into everyday activities.
Breaking larger tasks into smaller, manageable steps.
Offering genuine choices and opportunities for control.
Celebrating effort, flexibility and small achievements.
Using positive affirmations to build confidence and self-belief.

Some helpful affirmations include:

“I can try things in my own time.”
“It’s okay to ask for help.”
“I don’t have to get everything right the first time.”
“Small steps still count.”

5. The PANDA framework

The PANDA framework is a helpful approach for understanding and supporting children who experience demand avoidance.

It provides five key areas to consider:

P – Pick your battles: Consider which expectations are essential and which can be flexible. Not every task needs to become a battle.
A – Anxiety management: Recognise the role anxiety plays in avoidance and prioritise emotional and nervous system regulation.
N – Negotiation and collaboration: Work alongside your child rather than relying on compliance. Involve them in finding solutions.
D – Disguise and manage demands: Think about how requests are presented and reduce the feeling of pressure where possible.
A – Adaptation: Be flexible. Adjust routines, expectations and environments to support your child’s individual needs.

The goal isn’t to remove every expectation, but to make everyday demands feel more manageable.

6. Helpful resources for families

If you’re looking to learn more, there are some wonderful resources available:

Sarah Middleton Resources: Helpful information and practical resources for understanding children, supporting parents and navigating challenging moments.
Parenting Healing for Cycle Breakers: A supportive resource exploring parenting, emotional awareness and breaking unhelpful parenting patterns.
The PANDA Approach: A practical framework for understanding demand avoidance and supporting children with a more collaborative approach.
Declarative Language: Resources for families and educators to learn how to communicate in ways that encourage autonomy, reduce pressure and build connection.

When a child is avoiding a task, it’s easy to focus on what they aren’t doing. Instead, try to pause and consider what might be making that task feel difficult.

Are they tired? Anxious? Overwhelmed? Have they used all their energy navigating the expectations of the day?

Our role is not simply to get children to complete tasks. It’s to help them feel safe, capable, understood and supported while developing the skills and confidence to navigate everyday life.

Sometimes, changing the way we approach a demand can make all the difference.

Alex Boys

Occupational Therapist

Back to School: OT Strategies for a Smoother Transition - 06/10/2026


Returning to school after the holidays can be a BIG adjustment. Children are moving from relaxed holiday routines back into early mornings, classroom expectations, social demands and busy environments. From an Occupational Therapy perspective, there are lots of little things we can do to support regulation, independence and successful transitions.

Keep routines predictable

Reintroduce familiar routines around waking, getting dressed, breakfast, school and bedtime. Use a visual schedule, checklist or first–then board if your child benefits from seeing what is coming next. Remember — it can take time for the body and brain to adjust back to the school routine.

Revisit social stories

Social stories made by your Occupational Therapist can help children prepare for changes, expectations and situations they may find challenging. Revisit them regularly before school starts and during the first few weeks back, rather than only reading them once.

You might use a social story about:

Returning to school
Saying goodbye to caregivers
Following classroom routines
Asking for help
Managing noise or busy environments
Joining play or group activities
Coping with changes to the usual routine
What to do when feeling worried, frustrated or overwhelmed

Read the story when your child is calm, and allow time to talk about the pictures, practise the strategies and ask questions. You can also refer back to the story using simple language:

“Let’s remember what your social story said about asking for help.”

“Your story showed that school can feel busy, and you can use your headphones or ask for a quiet break.”

Choice within control

Keep the expectation clear, but offer choices around how it happens:

“Shoes first or breakfast first?”
“Do you want to walk or scooter to the car?”
“Do you want to pack your bag or lunchbox first?”

This supports autonomy and executive functioning without removing the boundary.

Prepare the afternoon before

Reduce the number of decisions needed in the morning. Together, choose clothes, pack the school bag, prepare lunch, check the timetable and organise anything needed for the next day.

This can reduce cognitive load when everyone is tired and trying to get out the door.

Use timers and transition warnings

Timers provide a concrete cue that something is changing.

Try:

“10 minutes until pack-up.”

“5 minutes until shoes.”

“2 minutes, then we are leaving.”

Visual timers can be particularly helpful for children who find transitions difficult.

Build in heavy work and movement

Before school, after school or during tricky transition periods, try activities such as:

Carrying their school bag
Pushing or pulling heavy objects
Animal walks
Jumping or climbing
Wall pushes
Scooter or bike riding
Helping carry groceries
Playground activities

These activities can provide proprioceptive input and movement opportunities to support regulation and readiness.

Support the sensory load

School can be busy, noisy and visually overwhelming. Think about what your child may need to manage this:

Sunglasses or a hat for bright environments
A quiet space or planned movement break
Noise-reducing headphones where appropriate
A familiar sensory tool
Movement between demanding tasks
A calm space after school before additional activities

The goal isn’t to avoid every sensory challenge, but to help children build the regulation tools they need to participate.

Break big tasks into small steps

“Get ready for school” can be a HUGE instruction.

Try breaking it down:

Get dressed
Eat breakfast
Brush teeth
Put shoes on
Get bag
Leave

A checklist can help move the responsibility from the adult repeatedly reminding to the child checking what comes next.

Model and narrate your own regulation

Children learn from watching us. Let them hear your thinking:

“I’m feeling rushed, so I’m going to stop and take a breath.”

“That didn’t work how I expected. I’ll try another way.”

“I’m getting frustrated, so I’m going to slow down.”

This teaches children that regulation isn’t about never becoming frustrated — it’s about knowing what to do when we are.

Notice effort and participation

Look beyond whether the task was completed perfectly.

Try:

“You found that transition tricky, but you kept going.”

“You remembered your visual schedule by yourself.”

“You asked for help when it felt too much.”

We want to reinforce effort, problem-solving, flexibility and independence.

Prioritise connection after school

Sometimes children hold it together all day and then fall apart at home. Before adding homework, activities or demands, consider whether they need connection, movement, food, rest or quiet time.

Even 10 minutes of child-led play, a cuddle, a walk or chatting together can make a difference.

And remember — be kind to yourself.

The transition back to school doesn’t need to be perfect. There may be tears, tiredness, big feelings, slower mornings and moments where things don’t go to plan.

That’s okay.

Our goal isn’t to remove every challenge. It’s to provide predictability, connection, regulation opportunities and the right amount of support while children find their rhythm again.

Alex Boys

Occupational Therapist

Strong Foundations: The OT Guide to Gross Motor Development  - 10/09/2026

Occupational therapists help children to develop their gross motor skills, such as running, jumping, hopping, pushing, pulling and balancing, by using fun, play-based activities that are specific to each child’s needs. This is particularly beneficial when gross motor difficulties with movement, coordination, balance, strength or motor planning might be affecting their ability to participate in their everyday activities.  

How gross motor skills affect everyday life: 

At School - 

Gross motor development isn't about being "good at sport". It can have a significant impact on a child's independence, confidence and participation. Although you might not think it, delays in gross motor coordination can impact upon a child’s academic learning as these skills are required to sit and engage in a classroom, participate in PE class or on the playground, navigating their way around the school setting, transitioning between classrooms, and putting their school jackets and backpacks on. 

Gross motor difficulty 

 Possible impact on daily activities 

Reduced core strength = 

   Difficulty sitting upright at a desk for extended periods 

Poor balance =  

   Difficulty navigating playgrounds, stairs or uneven   surfaces 

Reduced coordination =  

   Difficulty participating in ball games and PE 

Difficulty with bilateral coordination =  

   Challenges with climbing, dressing and activities requiring both sides of the body 

Poor motor planning =  

   Difficulty learning new physical activities or playground skills 

Reduced upper-body strength =  

   Difficulty with climbing, carrying school bags or opening containers 

Poor body awareness =  

   Bumping into objects or people and difficulty judging how the body moves through space 

Difficulty hopping/jumping =  

   Challenges joining in with playground games and age-appropriate physical activities 

Reduced endurance =  

   Fatigue during school, community or sporting activities 

At home -  

This can also have an impact on a child at home, as improved gross motor abilities can increase their independence with: 

  • Getting dressed and undressed 

  • Managing stairs 

  • Getting in and out of the bath 

  • Getting on and off the floor 

  • Carrying their belongings 

  • Riding a bike or scooter 

  • Playing with siblings and friends 

  • Participating in family activities 

 

Social and emotional benefits -  

When children find their movement activities difficult, then they might avoid them or become increasingly reluctant to play with their friends and family. By building their skills, we can help them to feel more confident and successful, which can increase their willingness to try new activities and participate socially.  

So how can we help? 

We assess how a child's movement skills are affecting their ability to participate, then we develop activities that aim to improve those underlying skills in a motivating, play-based way! 

1. Strength and postural control 

  • Core, shoulder and hip strengthening 

  • Animal walks, climbing, crawling and obstacle courses 

  • Activities that develop the ability to maintain stable sitting and standing positions 

  • Ball games that require reaching, pushing, pulling and throwing 

2. Balance and coordination 

  • Balance beams, stepping stones and hopping activities 

  • Single-leg balance 

  • Catching, throwing and kicking games 

  • Activities requiring the child to coordinate both sides of their body 

3. Bilateral coordination 

  • Jumping, skipping and climbing 

  • Scooter-board activities 

  • Catching and throwing with two hands 

  • Activities that require the hands and feet to work together 

4. Motor planning and praxis 

  • Obstacle courses involving multiple steps 

  • Learning new movement sequences 

  • Following movement patterns or action sequences 

  • Games that require the child to plan how their body will move to achieve a goal 

Please reach out if you think that we can help your child with their gross motor abilities. Our lovely team are here to help! 

Sarah Duddy

Occupational Therapist

Getting a grip on handwriting… 14/08/2026

Many people associate Occupational Therapists (OT’s) as mainly working with handwriting challenges, so I thought it might be helpful to break down how we can help with this and the many different areas that we are actually working on beyond just handwriting skills!

Yes, we aim to address the underlying skills that can make handwriting efficient, legible, and comfortable. But we do this by not only focusing on letter formations, but by looking at the whole child to determine which skills are affecting their handwriting and then provide tailored interventions that best suits them.

Handwriting difficulties can happen for a variety of reasons. The different areas that OT’s look at to help with this include:

-fine motor skills (strength, endurance, dexterity, pencil control, in-hand manipulation)

-hand strength (strengthening hand muscles, increasing endurance and grip stability)

-pencil grasp (develop functional grip, reduce excessive pencil pressure, use adaptive grips if needed)

-visual motor integration (this means coordinating what the eyes see with how the hands move; copying and maintaining writing on the line)

-visual perceptual skills (recognising letters and numbers, positioning on the page, discriminate between similar letters)

-postural control and core strength (shoulder stability, bilateral coordination, upright sitting position)

-bilateral coordination (using both sides of the body effectively such as writing with one hand while the other stabilises the page)

-motor planning (remembering letter formations, develop automatic handwriting patterns)

-letter formations (correct starting points, appropriate spacing between letters and words, consistent letter sizing)

-writing speed and fluency (improving efficiency and legibility, improve writing endurance)

-sensory processing (improving body awareness, supporting regulation and attention for writing, helping children who are pressing too hard or too lightly)

-attention and executive functioning (maintaining focus, planning and organising before starting writing tasks, correcting neatness and errors)

What can OT’s do about this? We need to find the underlying cause to be able to help. Our interventions can include:

  • Fine motor strengthening through games and play

  • Pencil control and pre-writing activities

  • Multi-sensory handwriting programs

  • Letter formation and letter sizing practice

  • Visual perception and visual motor activities

  • Core and upper body strengthening

  • Adaptations such as slant boards, pencil grips, or specialised paper

  • Classroom and home strategies to support practice and repetition

The most important thing to remember is to make handwriting practice feel like fun! This is often the best way to build motivation and improve writing skills. Here are some play-based activities you can easily do at home:

-Rainbow Writing: Write one letter or word, then trace over it using different coloured pencils until it becomes a rainbow

-Write about something they like: They can practice writing all the names of their favourite characters in a TV show, movie or book

-Skittle Spacing: Add skittles or M&M’s between words to demonstrate spacing and they could have a treat for successful effort afterwards!

-Treasure Hunt Writing: Hide letter cards or words around the house. Find each one and write it on a recording sheet.

-Multi-sensory writing: These are fun and can help children to remember letter formations.

  • Write letters in shaving foam.

  • Trace letters in sand, rice or salt.

  • Use finger paint on a tray.

  • Forming letters with pipe cleaners or Playdoh.

  • Build letters using LEGO bricks or craft sticks.

-Obstacle Course Writing: Complete a short obstacle (jump, crawl, balance), then write one word before doing the next obstacle.

-Handwriting Scavenger Hunt: Find something that..

  • Starts with "B"

  • Is soft

  • Is round

  • Is blue

-Restaurant or Café Play: they can create something fun such as menus, orders, shopping lists, recipes. They could play this with their friends.

Please contact our lovely team if you have any enquiries about this!

Sarah Duddy

Occupational Therapist

Developing fine motor skills to support function and fun!  22/06/26

As a parent or carer, I’m sure you’ve hear words like “fine motor development”, “strength” “pencil grip” and “dexterity” thrown around, but what does that actually mean? 

In this blog post we will explore necessary fine motor developmental milestones to support your child to engage in functional and fun everyday tasks that support their confidence and independence. 

What are fine motor skills? 

Fine motor skills refer to the small, precise movements of the hands and fingers that enable your child to engage in a meaningful and necessary everyday tasks (this includes playing with their favourite trucks, putting out their best outfit and mixing all of the the playdoh colours together!). 

These movements might seem simple to us, who complete them seamlessly each and every day, however, when we are first learning they are indeed complex! Fine motor movements encompass the coordination of muscles in the wrist, hands and fingers to hold, manipulate and play with objects. Having appropriate levels of strength and coordination throughout these muscles is essential to promote active participation and autonomy. Without these skills, which are often developed through play and repetition, children may find it challenging to engage in everyday tasks including dressing, eating, play and craft, requiring additional adult support. 

Elements of Fine Motor Development: 

Finger Isolation: refers to the ability to move each finger separately in controlled movements. As OTs we often look at pointer finger isolation to support with paediatric 

occupations including doing up buttons and zippers, using a pencil, and craft based activities. 

Pincer grip: the pincer grasp involves being able to oppose the thumb and index finger simultaneously. As OTs we often look at a child’s comfort and confidence to oppose their pincer grip strength to support their engagement in occupations including colouring, using cutlery and picking up items. 

Hand-Eye Coordination and Hand Dexterity: refers to a child’s ability to coordinate their movements seamlessly, taking in visual information and responding appropriately. This is evident throughout paediatric convolutions including play, drawing, ball sports, and group based anticipates. Within fine motor skills we also look at dexterity which refers to using different parts of our body in small, coordinated, intricate and isolated movements. 

Bilateral coordination: refers to a child’s capacity to use both sides of their body simultaneously. When looking at paediatric occupations, this fine motor element is essential for activities including using a knife and fork, safely using scissors, throwing and catching a ball and tying their shoelaces. 

In hand muscle strength: this refers to the overall strength and endurance of our hands, to grip, pinch, squeeze and grasp. 

Signs of difficulty with fine motor skills: 

  • Difficulty picking up small objects 

  • Limited strength through the hands and fingers 

  • Challenges with dressing including buttons and shoelaces 

  • Hand fatigue 

  • Poor pencil grip and control 

  • Increased frustration or reluctance to engage in table top motor tasks including drawing, craft, playdoh and painting. 

How can I support my child’s fine motor development: 

I’m sure you’re wondering, “What can I do to unlock my child’s development and support their fine motor skills?” Well the answer is simple and can be included throughout your day to day activities… PLAY! 

Play is a the primary occupation of children and is a major manner in which children develop the necessary skills to participate confidently within their occupations. Below we will list a range of fun and engaging play ideas that will work wonders in supporting key fine motor elements to have your little one strong and confident: 

  • Blocks: encourages children to hold and move items within their hands supporting in hand muscle strength, dexterity and coordination. 

  • Puzzles: supports children’s fine motor grasp and control, whilst also supporting coordination and motor planning. 

  • Playdoh: encourages the use of the hand muscles, pincer grip and finger isolation. A fun and engaging activity. Playdoh can also be used to practice using cutlery in a safe and play based manner. 

  • Theraputty: One of our favourite activities as OTs is Theraputty. Theraputty is a fantastic tactile resource which supports fine motor development. This activity is versatile and engaging and can be tailored to the unique presentation of your child. We love finding beads hidden in theraputty, pinching, rolling and squeezing to build pincer grip strength, finger isolation and dexterity. 

  • Colouring: supports children to hold and manipulate the pencil within their hand. Supporting strength, pincer grip and dexterity. Grab out the markers and some paper and have some fun! 

  • Cars: encourages children to grasp and coordinate small items. Whilst also targeting bilateral coordination. 

Building in your child’s interests into fine motor activities seeks to best support motivation and engagement. If you are unsure or have any questions about your child’s fine motor development, please don’t hesitate to reach out! 

Ilona Pruscino

Occupational Therapist

An introduction to pediatric occupational therapy to unlock your child’s development 22/05/26

If you have ever wondered “What is occupational therapy?” Then this is for you!

In this blog post, we will explore what occupational therapy is (the paediatric kind) and why it can be a key factor to supporting your child to meet their full potential.

What is Paediatric Occupational Therapy?

Occupational therapy (OT) is a dynamic, play based and engaging allied health stream that supports children to develop the skills required to engage in a range of meaningful and necessary everyday activities. This includes self-care tasks (toileting, dressing, buttons, zips and feeding), leisure activities (play and social skills) and productive occupations (school based focus including handwriting and executive functioning).

Occupational therapists work with children who experience challenges that impact their ability to engage and participate. These challenges may be due to physical disabilities, neurological or developmental conditions, missing developmental milestones or sensory processing challenges. Occupational therapists can provide a unique perspective to support children to build their comfort and confidence to engage in activities they find meaningful and necessary.

Getting started?

Assessment: the first step is information gathering! Throughout our comprehensive assessment process, we gather vital information to ascertain your child’s unique strengths and where we can provide further supports. This assessment phase is flexible! This can include 1:1 assessments examining fine motor skills, gross motor development, sensory processing and executive functioning. Likewise, observing a child within their functional scholastic environment can provide pivotal insight to their current presentation. We also offer a range of standardized assessments to further understand sensory processing, gross motor skills, fine motor skills and handwriting.

Therapy sessions: Once the information has been gathered and analyzed its time to get started with sessions. These sessions are tailored to the unique goals and interests of the child. At Connecting OT we provide outreach services, with sessions occurring at home, at school and in the community.

Consistency with sessions is pivotal to unlocking development, as is opportunities for practice at home! As part of our comprehensive service, parents will receive a detailed session note following each session. This enables for collaboration and team work to ensure that therapy principles can be incorporated within the home setting.

Benefits of paediatric occupational therapy:

Occupational therapy is a holistic approach to supporting childhood development. It is an evidence based support to unlock development. At Connecting OT, we practice from a family centered lens to work collaboratively and ensure the best possible outcomes. We believe that safety and connection is essential to positive therapeutic outcomes and love to bring fun and play to sessions to see your children thrive!

Should you have any questions or want to know whether OT would benefit you, please don’t hesitate to reach out.

Ilona Pruscino
Occupational Therapist